why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She is in my trunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
