I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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