I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
