Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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