Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
