love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
But break dance skills will only take you so far
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
