He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
