Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
