I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
