I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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