Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
