This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
