yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
