jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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