Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
