at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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