Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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