i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
