Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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