It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
