guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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