I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
