just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
