I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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