I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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