i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
