Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just had sex bonerless
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
