OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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