Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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