spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
