areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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