The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
this just has baby written all over it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
