Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
