Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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