are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
