i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
