I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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