i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
