3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk is not a location!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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