awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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