why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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