never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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