The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
