i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
