What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
