Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
