Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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