I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
