why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
