My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
