She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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