Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
