wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
