and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
